Education World Humor Newsletter Volume 7, Issue 36

Dear Education Professionals, Welcome to the Education World's Education Humor Newsletter. This newsletter is published weekly as a free service by Education World®. You are receiving this newsletter because you signed up to receive our weekly mailing of G-rated jokes and other humor related to the "education world." If you enjoy this newsletter, please feel free to forward it to other teachers. If this newsletter has been forwarded to you, you may sign up to receive it at http://www.educationworld.com/maillist.shtml. Education World is the largest free resource on the Web for teachers and school administrators. We remain a free resource thanks to the support of our advertisers -- so please click on ads of interest and visit our advertisers' sites. ============================================================================ This week's newsletter is sponsored by Explorica. Explorica is the low-price, high-quality leader in teacher-led educational travel.  Join over 100,000 participants who have planned spectacular tours throughout the world.   Explorica's veteran Program Consultants will guide you through every step of the process—from choosing an itinerary to recruiting students—and expert Tour Directors will accompany your group during every day of your tour, whether you're in North America, Europe, Latin America, Asia, or beyond. For more information on Explorica's diverse portfolio of educational travel programs, visit Explorica.com or call 1.888.310.7120 ============================================================================ Volume 7, Issue 35 September 4 , 2008 **************************************************************************************** EDUCATION WORLD PREMIERE HUMOR: BACK TO SCHOOL EXTRAVAGANZA: A SONG PARODY AND A TO-DO LIST FOR THE YEAR! **************************************************************************************** What more do you want? It's back to school and I'm not in a funny mood! Back to School To the tune of "be a clown" by Cole Porter by Forrest Stone Back to school, back to school What a time! What a fool: I bought bargains galore And I left them all at the store! I got markers and twine Then I panicked waiting in line I realized that I hadn't planned a thing for the fall I'll have that Thompson kid again, I started to bawl And in mid-scream I woke up: I was dreaming it all! Back to school! Back to school! Back to school!   To-Do-List: This Year, I Really Will … Ask if any of the kids are related to billionaires who could spare a few hundred thousand dollars as a holiday "thank you" to their teacher. Build a "panic room" behind my blackboard. Build a time machine so that I make it to retirement age. Have that "heart to heart" with Fred the biology teacher about that formaldehyde smell coming from his lunch. If I do have that Thompson kid again, just maybe re-evaluate my stance on corporal punishment. Plan stuff. Enjoy the wistful pleasures of the teaching profession, making sure to savor the moments of my life as they go by. And to renew my prescription from Dr. Cohen. Complete my comparative study of Bloom and Hirsch with illustrations from the reporting of Jonathan Kozol. Or, I could learn to let things like that go. Get enough wine this year for Thanksgiving!    ****************************************************************************** OKAY, I FEEL MEAN. HERE'S MORE YUCKS: MORE CLASSROOM GAMES YOU DON'T WANT TO PLAY ****************************************************************************** Sneeze Tag Students share colds and viruses until the teacher is "it" and they all get to enjoy a substitute teacher day. Duck-Duck-Goof Teachers set up three-student cooperative learning groups and disperse class problems by making sure each group has one student who will not contribute to the work. Simon Sez Through oral drill and practice, teachers try to break the incorrect phonetic spelling habits of their students. Mother Mayn't I Students lobby their mothers for permission to neglect their homework and stay home from school. Four Squared Math students pass blame back and forth for each student's poor performance on the squares and square roots worksheet.   ****************************************************************************** OKAY, MY GOSH, YOU'RE KILLIN' ME! HERE'S MORE!!! PLAYGROUND GAMES YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW ABOUT ****************************************************************************** Ghosts in the Gripeyard In this game, any student who complains about the heat, the cold, the rain, the mud, the snow, the games, or the other students is sent back in from recess.  Eventually, the entire playground is empty. Hot Potable Teachers pass the responsibility for making more coffee by taking only very small amounts until someone gets stuck with the sludge at the bottom and has to make a new pot. I Spy with My Little iMac Teachers use digital video cameras and computers to catch student misbehaviors.  Any student caught is "it" until the teacher calls home to talk to the student's parents. Marco Polynomial In this game the teacher is "it" and must yell "Marco!" to which the students reply "No! Not polynomials again!" Red Light - Blue Light In this game, all the students have to stop working when the teacher yells "Red Light!"  Then they have to buy whatever school fundraising merchandise the teacher is selling (at a special discount) when she yells "Blue Light."   ****************************************************************************** ARE YOU EVER GOING TO LEAVE ME ALONE? GAMES FOR THE TEACHERS LOUNGE ****************************************************************************** Balderdash Teacher Edition Teachers try to bluff each other by creating phony names for some of the most esoteric educational acronyms ever created.  OBE, IEP, OCR?  Those are the easy ones.  How about ADAE, SIP, SIT, and SPAR? Classroom Candyland Players move their primary-colored gingerbread people around the rainbow path, moving through the Peppermint Stick Forest by matching the color spaces to the colors on the pick deck. The player who reaches the Candy Castle first wins all of the candy that teachers have taken away from students. Really Sorry By drawing cards, players move their game pieces around the board, hoping to eventually accumulate all their pieces at the final destination - home sweet home.  Sorry is known as the game of "sweet revenge," since players can send each other's pawns back to the classroom where there are bulletin boards to put up and papers to grade until midnight. Don't Break the Budget Take a plastic mallet and tap out a block of the budget. Take turns and use a little strategy because if the little teacher falls through the ice on your turn, you're out of a job. Prattleship Players try to sink classroom babblers by calling out suspected hiding areas on seating charts and keeping track of hits and misses. ************************************************************************** Education World now incorporates www.SchoolNotes.com ~ "everybody on the same page!" The leading school-to-home communications platform, with FREE pages for teachers and automatic notification of parents and students when new homework is posted! For a modest $24.95 PER YEAR, upgrade to Personal Edition, "Super SchoolNotes," with thousands of resources linked to your state's standards! Click here for more information ************************************************************************** Would you like to contribute humor or just let us know what you find funny about the life of an educator? Write to WEBMASTER@EDUCATIONWORLD.COM ... Please put a sensible note in the subject line. Then get ridiculous in your e-mail. *************************************************************************** SIGN UP FOR OUR OTHER NEWSLETTERS *************************************************************************** We hope you enjoy receiving this Education World e-newsletter. Did you know that Education World offers eight other FREE weekly newsletters? Have you signed up to receive the... Education World EDUCATION NEWS HEADLINES NEWSLETTER? In this newsletter you will find brief summaries and links to about ten education news articles published in the previous week. Some articles highlight education issues of national and international importance; others share interesting local stories about schools and their students. Would you like to see a sample of the Education News Headlines Newsletter? 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